Choosing your words with your man is important.  Did you know that your choice of words and the frequency or vibrational energy that you put out what we are talking to a man can make or break a relationship? 

There are two basic ways to speak to a man.  Speaking to control or “Control-Speak” and speaking from surrender or “Surrender-Speak.”

Control-Speak or “CS” is speaking from a place that is all about him.  It is none of our business.  It is inauthentic and as a Whisperer, it is totally now and forever, off limits. 

It looks like this:

“What do you mean?” 

“Why are you doing that?”

“You are wearing that?” 

“How could you say that?”

Basically, thinking or speaking about where he might be in his head or making excuses for him….

“He must be thinking this.” 

“He has got to be having old memories from childhood or triggered by his ex.”

“He wouldn’t think this if he didn’t have that.”

To operate from Control-Speak doesn’t work.  It is a misnomer.  You cannot and will not control your man using this kind of talk.  The vibe when you do this is so irritating and uncomfortable for him, he will undoubtedly slip into one of the 4F’s: 

• They FLEE (retreat- run away)
• They FIGHT (get angry)
• They FREEZE (paralyzed as to what to do, get very quiet)
• They FOOL AROUND (avoid the situation by making a joke or creating a distraction)

Let's avoid the 4 F's. Turn it around, try speaking from Surrender-Speak or "SS." It's a way of speaking that is all about you, your feelings, authenticity, vulnerability.  It makes you real in his eyes. 

“I feel……mad, sad, afraid, scared, uncomfortable, happy, at peace, shaky, confused or more.”

It is about carefully substituting words about him to words about you without any mention of him at all.

Control-Speak has many faces.  It can also take on the vibe of asking him to do something for you. “ I need you to do this or what if we we did that?” “Could you just do this?” “OMG, Don’t do that!”

What I want you to do is stop all of that nonsense!  Instead of asking and asking for things, reply to his suggestions.  Surrender the lie of control and practice responding to what he offers with, “Yes, that feels good or would feel good or felt good.”  “No, that doesn’t feel good, felt bad or feels bad.”  “Yes, I feel, felt or I am feeling like doing this or I want to do this.”  “No, I don’t feel, didn’t feel, don’t want to do this.” “What do you think?”

Surrender-Speak

Let’s put it in a practical application:

CS: “Would you please make dinner tonight?  I don’t have time to make dinner, you do not ever help me.  I wish you would make dinner…."  DO NOT plead over and over. 

SS: Simply do not make dinner.  “I feel exhausted tonight.  I do not want to make dinner.  I feel upset at the thought of making dinner.  What do you think?”  

It sounds really different and perhaps even uncomfortable at first doesn’t it? But, by doing this, you actually give the man room to offer a solution to the problem.  You are not manipulating him into doing anything, you are simply surrendering or giving up asking him to do something/anything.

By learning how to operate from Surrender-Speak and once you see the great results you will get almost instantly-by giving up the need to try and control everything, you get to feel calm and at peace.  You get to feel better!

Can you start to see how this way of being in relationship actually creates possibility for closeness rather than the power struggle?

And let’s talk about that power struggle for a moment.

TIP:  Did you know you are using CS when you withhold from him? Withholding compliments or denying him a simple thank you is a way of trying to control your man and he feels it every time!

There is always another way to word things, another way to put it rather than telling him what you want by using control and manipulation. Practice Surrender-Speak.  It works!  💖

Love in Whispers, 

Coach Katelyn