Here's a letter from a good friend and client:
Dear Katelyn,
Gus and I have been together for 3 years. I am with him 3 nights a week sometimes 4. We live about 40 minutes apart. He lives in the country and I live in the city. I drive to his place every weekend. It's beautiful there and since he often has to work on the weekends, it's just more convenient.
When I show up, sometimes he isn’t even there. I just let myself in. Often times it is dinner time so I go to the store and get food and come back to the house and start cooking. I really love to cook. He comes in , pours himself a glass of wine and plops down to play with the dog. After dinner, we sometimes watch a movie. We seldom go out...he’s always tired after working all day. We have great sex and then go to sleep.
We do entertain friends or family often. I try to include his grown kids and elderly mom whenever possible. I do the laundry, the cooking and much of the cleaning when I’m there. I even mow the lawn when it needs it.
We are like a married couple but whenever I mention commitment or living together or taking the relationship to the next step, he gets quiet and says nothing or he says he is happy alone. We have fought over this many times. We've even broken up over it.
He says he is fine alone, and in the very next breath he puts his arms around me and wants to have sex. How can he talk like that one minute and want to be close the next? And did I mention sex was over the top? I don’t get it. I have worked so hard to make this relationship work. He says he loves me and he isn't seeing anyone else.
He isn't a cheater. He is always very appreciative of everything I do, but no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, he won't take the relationship further. We have tried breaking up a few times and it lasts about a week maybe two before he calls and we get back together. The last breakup was over a year ago.
But now I’m afraid because he is acting weird and distant. I thought we were done with those silly games!
Katelyn. I am so hurt and unhappy.
Why won't he commit to me?
What is wrong with me?
How do I get out of this awful rut and get my man to commit?
Love,
Pam
Pam—I’m going to tell you the truth right now and you might not like it.
It’s going to sting.
If you don't want to hear it, you'd best not read any further. I’m not going to pull any punches.
Your man doesn't have to commit to you. He has no reason to commit to you...
Oh Pam, I do feel your pain. I have been where you and millions of women are right now.
The real reason he can’t commit because you won’t let him!
You are so busy doing everything for him that you can’t see that are stuck in: "The Girlfriend Trap!" That never ending limbo where nothing ever changes, where you will remain unless you change the dynamic of the relationship.
Try these 8 tips to get out of The Girlfriend Trap.
1. Imagine you have been gifted a tub of the most expensive, luxurious, soothing, healing, perfumed body oil ever. The secret ingredient? LOVE.
Take that cream and massage it all over your body from head to toe.
Luxuriate in it! Bask in its wonderfulness! Breathe in its beautiful fragrance! Give yourself the gift of love!
2. Now repeat after me: “We are just dating." "We are not in a fully committed relationship." "We are both free to do whatever we want."
3. Stop DOING for this man!
Use the time spent driving and cooking and cleaning to do something wonderful for you!
4. Make some little changes in your appearance.
Go get a new outfit. Perhaps something soft and girly.
Get your hair and nails done. Change it up! Want to go blonde?
Want to go blonde? Do it!
Want henna or turquoise streaks? Great!
5. Now get out there and talk to men! Flirt with them! Smile at them! Let them engage you,
have a little light hearted fun!
6. Find something other than him to focus on….a project, work, school a hobby.
7. Make time for you and make time to go out with friends.
Get out and go places and do interesting and fun things.
Go places where there are men!
8. Learn to be a Love Whisperer.
You'll learn this and more in my coaching sessions.
Now, Pam, here's what NOT to do:
Don’t text him, call him or drive to his home.
Don't press him, want him or even think about him. It just makes your “vibe” appear desperate or needy. I know this sounds hard, but it’s your best chance at getting your man to
notice and appreciate you.
It immediately raises your value in his eyes.
You may even find a man who is better than this one.
A man who wants to love you and cherish you the way you deserve.
My love whispering coaching program will help you get the relationship you truly want and deserve.