Are you playing the blame game?
Why playing the dangerous blame game hurts your relationship.
Why do you blame him?
When you blame your partner, you get to take the focus off yourself and throw it onto him. Instead of taking responsibility for your part in the situation, you create a distraction, and a very effective one.
Blame is the ultimate cop-out.
Just like a "traditional" addiction, the need for blame escalates and starts to overtake your thinking. You start to look for reasons to blame whenever you can. It becomes our default go-to position.
When you understand the secret behind blame, it is going to blow you away.
According to addiction experts, conflict like blame creates a spike in adrenaline just like an addiction to gambling, drugs, alcohol, shopping or porn. Blame works faster than any drug, because in less than a second, your body is infused from inside. I will bet you didn’t know that when one or both partners engage in blame, it serves as a substitute for whatever is lacking in the relationship like intimacy or sex.
Understand that blame creates intense feelings, but not feelings that serve you or your man.
Rather than coming together to try to solve a problem, you "point fingers" at each other and try to climb over each other in the rush to "be right."
Your senses get all fired up - as they are when you're making love - but with opposition rather than promise.
Blame just fuels more disconnection and conflict.
Science tells us that since adrenaline wears off quickly, it creates a vicious cycle where you have to keep escalating the conflict in order to sustain the "high."
If you find that you're trying to replace the wonderful feelings of love, connection, and intimacy - with the destructive adrenaline of fighting, frustration, and pain or The Blame-Game...
Stop and do this:
Say, “I feel triggered right now. It is not your fault. You are not to blame. No one is to blame. I do not like feeling this way. What can we do about this?”
Now you are going to either work out and negotiate a solution with your man that works for both of you or you are going to learn to let it go, let go of being right, of pointing fingers and sit in the indecision, feel the discomfort of temporarily having and solution and wait for your man to catch up and come forward. He may surprise you!
Let me know how this works for you, there's nothing I love more than hearing my Whisperers try my tactics and telling me their stories.
Love in Whispers,
Katelyn
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